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July 5th, 2008
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Democracy turns to farce in Spanish Hall

A trying 16 hours inside the presidential election
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By Ondřej Bouda

Staff Writer
ISIFA
Chaos, back-room deals and an ultimate no-vote had members of Parliament worried that they'd look like "idiots" to the public.
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I woke up Friday, Feb. 8, full of expectations for the day. After all, I thought I’d be covering the most serious political event of the year — the presidential election. I switched on the TV to catch up on the latest developments, but instead the main news channel, ČT24, was interviewing Jan Švejnar’s kindergarten teacher, who told viewers that “little Johnny used to be a happy and inquisitive child and his favorite song was ‘Pekla vdolky z bílý mouky’[She Baked Biscuits from White Flour].” This absurd tone turned out to be prophetic.

It all started out well enough. In the Spanish Hall, where the day’s events took place, the gathering officials spoke of the importance of a “dignified” election. The proceedings started with speeches from both candidates. Václav Klaus made a virtue of boredom, talking about continuity and predictability. Švejnar, on the other hand, promised respect, service and responsibility, looking toward the future rather than focusing on the past. No surprises there. Everyone appeared to listen carefully except Foreign Affairs Minister Karel Schwarzenberg, who dozed off and later claimed that it was a “dignified sleep.”
The assembled senators and deputies then had a chance to react to the speeches. Prime Minister Mirek Topolánek took off on a rant, blaming the opposition for everything just short of floods and supernovas. Not long afterward, Environment Minister Martin Bursík said Klaus was an embarrassment to the country and that it was time for a change. Jiří Čunek, the leader of the Christian Democrats (KDU-ČSL), kept to tradition in his speech by refusing to say whom the party supports. The Communists, for their part, said they did not support anyone and wished to block the election and come up with new candidates.
Klaus spent the morning session sitting at his table and signing photographs. When the leader of the opposition, Jiří Paroubek, said that it was time for Klaus to leave politics, the president got up angrily and left the room without a word. By then it was time for lunch anyway, and so the meeting was adjourned.
After lunch all hell broke loose. Instead of deciding on whom to vote for, the senators and deputies argued about how to vote. The ruling Civic Democrats (ODS) wanted a secret vote, while everyone else wanted a public vote. The parties ignored the tentative agreement they’d reached on the issue the night before, and instead started fighting all over again. Since the ODS has a majority in the Senate, it managed to block the proceedings for several hours. Proposals, counterproposals and objections flew through the air so fast it was almost impossible to follow what was actually happening. But, essentially, the delegates were arguing about how to vote on which type of vote to use.
The meeting adjourned after several hours of pointless debate; the Czech tennis team was playing Belgium in the Davis Cup, and Topolánek and Klaus are both avid tennis fans. So they took time off to watch the match. Other journalists switched on the TV to watch as well with comments like, “At least here we’ll achieve a definite result.”
I took this opportunity to step out for a bit of fresh air. In front, there was a demonstration with a poster that said, “Better Mickey Mouse than Václav Klaus.” I ended up with chatted with several curious tourists instead. I explained to them that the castle was closed to the public due to the presidential election and told them to come back the next day, when it would surely be open.
Round one
I couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as the delegates met again at 7:30 that evening, they decided to continue the election Saturday morning. However, they conceded that, unless they wanted everyone to think of them as “complete idiots,” they’d at least have to start voting. So, despite the previous 10 hours of heated debate, they quickly agreed to vote publicly, and started the first round just after 8 p.m. The whole day of debate was thus completely pointless and tempers were flaring on all sides. “This is making us look like idiots,” said Přemysl Sobotka (ODS), chairman of the Senate.
The public vote was quickly organized and within a few minutes the first round was over. Švejnar won in the Chamber of Deputies and Klaus won in the Senate. Both candidates thus advanced to the second round. That took place immediately, but surprisingly the results were not announced — the Social Democrats (ČSSD) managed to block the meeting in which they were to be revealed until 9 p.m., when the proceedings had to adjourn by law, unless the delegates decided otherwise. Several quick proposals by the ODS to extend the time for the debate were scrapped and before the results of the second round could be read the meeting adjourned till the morning.
Senator Jaroslav Kubera (ODS) — who had carried a teddy bear around all day, saying it would help him vote — stormed out of the Spanish Hall, yelling, “This is terrible. These people make me sick. The public will call us all a band of nincompoops. But they should be told who’s responsible.”
Day two
Saturday morning proved to be as prophetic as the day before. My breakfast turned out to be less fresh than I’d expected, and I got a perfect case of food poisoning. Regardless of my indisposition I went to the castle again.  
It quickly became apparent that any type of sickness was extremely useful this day. Both chambers of Parliament met at 10 a.m. as planned, announced the results of the second round and — because no candidate had won — prepared for the third. The meeting was adjourned after 10 minutes for further negotiations, as it seemed that Klaus had a chance to win the third round, a development the Švejnar camp did not want to allow.
During the break, two senators from the KDU-ČSL and one deputy from the ČSSD mysteriously fell ill and had to be transported to a hospital. Rumors of blackmail and shady deals started surfacing. Several delegates received vulgar and threatening text messages. At a few points it looked as though fisticuffs would break out among delegates from the ODS and the ČSSD. All in all, the dignified election process was shattered to pieces.
Again in need of fresh air, I went outside to the castle gates, where I ran into a French couple I’d met the day before. They asked why the castle was still closed, when I’d told them it would be open. I admit that I failed miserably in trying to explain the intricacies of Czech politics and ended up brushing them off with advice to come back again the next day.
Thankfully, the Davis Cup continued over the weekend with doubles, which the prime minister wanted to watch. So, Parliament, after taking a break that lasted several hours, met finally at 2 p.m. for the third round of the election. As promised, the Communists did not vote for any of the candidates, and the election ended without a winner. The result was one extremely sick journalist, three mysteriously sick politicians and 10 million Czechs sick of the charades. And the whole process is set to start all over again this Friday.
Ondřej Bouda can be reached at obouda@praguepost.com


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