The Prague Post Online: Opinion: Czech Republic, prepare thyself: The end is nigh

July 7th, 2008

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Czech Republic, prepare thyself: The end is nigh

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February 21st, 2007 issue

Interior Minister Ivan Langer is taking some heat these days. Predictably, his firm dedication to opening former secret police archives to the public has ruffled many feathers. Although several regulations have been passed since 1989 to technically allow such access, the reality of ensuring that ordinary people can get their hands on the records has never really been pushed until now — and that’s making a lot of people nervous.

Then there’s all the Ruzyně Airport business. It seems that not just snowstorms can lock down the Czech Republic’s main international air hub. Psychics who call in predictions of disasters can also wreak havoc with Ruzyně’s thousands of daily business travelers and tourists.

Of course, as the Interior Ministry points out, it wasn’t only a clairvoyant’s vision of attacks on planes that prompted the soldiers, armored vehicles and bomb disposal squads to mix among the arriving investors and stag parties Feb. 14. There was also more tangible evidence of a security threat, says the ministry, although just what that threat consisted of, of course, remains secret. You know, for security reasons.

But let’s not be too hasty in judging a new minister who finds himself at the helm of the vast ranks of the police and other forces. After all, where airport safety is concerned, you just can’t be too careful.

And, sure, the police themselves admitted to the German press agency DPA that they’d “never encountered such a case in the past.” But, the fact is, it takes a courageous leader to swing all his men and materiel into action based, at least in part, on a phone-in premonition from a woman with a crystal ball. Perhaps more leaders should take heed to such omens and prepare for the worst.

Thus, The Prague Post herein passes on to the authorities some of the more disturbing psychic warnings we’ve recently come across in our own consultations with soothsayers — please put these into the appropriate action item categories pronto:

■ Russians will aggressively move on the Czech Republic in retaliation for setting up a future U.S. radar base — but it won’t be with missiles or a cutoff of gas or oil. Instead, we should brace ourselves for a sea of cheap off-label vodka imports, to be accompanied by armies of Russian teen pop bands on our television airwaves. It will be an ugly one-two punch.

■ Winters will continue to be mild to the point at which gardening will replace skiing as a February pastime. Summers, meanwhile, will mean parched earth, melting road surfaces and even more salmonella than usual at lunch counters. But only until the Gulf Stream shuts down, at which point the whole place becomes Siberia.

■ Corrupt politicians and arms dealers, oddly enough, will continue to cause scandals, but nothing much will be done about it.

■ Česko hledá SuperStar will become the most watched program ever broadcast in the history of the world anywhere, a prospect that makes the threat of terrorism pale in significance.

■ The Czech Republic, against all odds, will turn out to be the perfect host for the Olympic Games. Just not until 2488.

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