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Advice for invading barbarians: Study up


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February 7th, 2007 issue

The helpful “booklet” just released by the Labor and Social Affairs Ministry to aid ignorant foreigners has attracted an impressive level of attention for a government tract.

With the catchy title of Information Booklet for Foreign Nationals Czech Republic, this 96-page tome, published in 2000 copies but available for infinite downloads at the ministry’s Web site (www.mpsv.cz) made headlines in the Czech daily Právo recently for offering sage advice such as the following: “It is not customary to sit right next to another person when traveling on public transit unless necessary, to walk too close to someone else or to hold or touch the other person during a conversation (this particularly applies to a conversation between a man and a woman).”
Though it does cast Czechs as a bit stand-offish, this remarkably thorough publication, to be fair, also contains practical advice on things like the arcane visa and criminal justice process, as well as consumer help sources.
With chapter headings like “The Structure and Functioning of the Legislative, Executive and Judicial Powers: Public Administration” and “The School System and the Recognition of Non-Czech Education” or even “Family, Marriage and Other Milestones,” it’s fair to say this is one publication that has a place in the bookcase of any self-respecting foreign editor in the Czech Republic — and probably on those of his native counterparts.
It is, after all, a government release, so no one should be too shocked to find that it lists the all-important Foreigners’ Police office at its old address of Olšanská 2 rather than the correct one, Koněvova 32, Prague 3.
But it just about makes up for that gaff with tips on everything from search engines to banks and using the post office.
But it’s in the culture tips that this guide truly shines. Take the handy tips from chapter 14.2, “Daily Routine”:
The workday in the Czech Republic starts earlier than in many other European countries. Small businesses often open as early as 7 a.m. and supermarkets tend to open at 8 a.m. Many blue collar jobs start between 6 and 7 a.m.
Somewhere in here it might have been helpful to point out that anyone making noise on a Prague street after 10 p.m., which is considered disruptive to this sleep schedule, is likely to get a pan of water dumped on their head.
And 14.3, “Czech Cuisine,” is a classic:
The Czech place setting includes a soup spoon, a dinner fork and a knife … In the Czech culture, it is customary that the person who invites someone to a restaurant also picks up the bill. It is considered very impolite to belch or to slurp one’s food.
Say it ain’t so! But perhaps in the next edition, uncouth foreign bumpkins should also be advised to enter any restaurant with their order already memorized because they will be asked for it immediately, then never get another chance.
Under chapter 14.4, “Customs and Traditions,” we learn:
The traditional Christmas dinner includes fish soup and a breaded and fried carp, served with a potato salad. The dinner is an essential part of the Czech Christmas Eve.
We don’t actually discover, of course, that anyone who dares to kid about the challenge of actually eating notor­iously spongy carp will be vilified and run out of town on a rail.
All in all, then, a fabulous first effort, but editors will be editors — especially clueless foreign ones. So, Mr. Minister, please feel free to ignore all these suggested amendments.
As we know you will.


Other articles in Opinion (7/02/2007):

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