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Trick or treat?

Globe's cooking may leave you laughing
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By Dave Faries
Staff Writer, The Prague Post
January 3rd, 2007 issue

RENÉ JAKL/THE PRAGUE POST
The new-look Globe is a handy place to hang, read or work, but not necessarily to eat.

Those too young to remember Andy Kaufman's antics may have at least seen the bio-flick Man on the Moon, so you'll understand the point. Kaufman's comic schemes turned his audience into the punch line. The joke was always on whoever happened to catch his act.

Well, judging by Globe's food service, Kaufman is alive and well, working in the kitchen. How else could you explain Caesar salad dotted by a single canned anchovy fillet, curled atop an otherwise dull pile of iceberg? Pure comic genius — one puny slice of anchovy placed in full view. Instead of chopping it into fine pieces and blending the bits into the dressing as a courteous nod to tradition or tossing on several more fillets to create a proper Caesar salad, the restaurant chooses to play a gag. One anchovy, sitting high and mighty, rolled for effect, mocking the classic recipe. It's a question mark: If Kaufman and Jerry Lawler were in cahoots, why did they fight on David Letterman's show? If the kitchen clearly knows anchovies are part of a real Caesar salad, why just the one?

From the Menu
  • Grilled feta cheese 130 Kč
  • Caesar salad 130 Kč
  • Bean burrito 160 Kč
  • Chicken cordon bleu 185 Kč
  • Gambrinus 35 Kč
  • Cappuccino 40 Kč

Another starter, grilled feta and vegetables, is more of a cruel, sophomoric farce. Either some prankster in the kitchen sprinkled feta wedges with salt before slapping it on the grill or excess saline from the cheese bled out to the surface. Whatever, as salt corrodes the flesh inside your mouth and eats away at your stomach lining, images of the Ancient Mariner come to mind. The texture is just right, mind you — pleasantly tacky. But it really doesn't matter much when your tongue feels like it was scraped by an old razor. Not even assistance from the grilled vegetables helps because, despite some nicely charred carrots and bell peppers, an apparent accident with a vat of oil turned my order into a slimy mess.

The Kaufmanesque humor continues. Order the chicken cordon bleu as a main course. Soggy crust, bland meat, gooey and flavorless cheese, watery processed ham — you trekked all the way to Prague and ordered one of those college cafeteria specials. In fact, most college cafeterias serve a more appetizing version and now you're stuck with the thing. Get the joke?

Tex-Mex dishes provide a welcome respite from the culinary mischief. Yet it's almost as if they push recipes too far in the other direction. Instead of Andy Kaufman, you get a burrito a la Zeppo Marx: flat, humorless, forgettable — a filler between acts of buffoonery. The kitchen packs a chewy tortilla with beans, rice and vegetables, creating something Southwestern in the vaguest sense. It's earthy and rustic — as if cumin is the only seasoning. But there's nothing to really praise or damn.

Globe

Pštrossova 6
Prague 1-New Town
Tel. 224 934 203
Open daily 9:30 a.m.-midnight

Food m
Service HH
Atmosphere H
Overall H

Food
Service
Atmosphere
Overall

On the other hand, Globe's salsa is a welcome reminder of good old Tex-Mex fire. An initial burst of vegetal sweetness disguises, momentarily, the scorching burst of chili to come. For a moment, you are sitting in an Austin bookstore, poking aimlessly on the computer and munching chips.

That's the character profile of Globe's food: from parody to straightline, with one really good condiment — which may be part of the joke, as well, come to think of it. Even the cappuccino seems like some kind of stunt. Mine, ordered to finish off a second visit, had been frothed with such aggressiveness the milk fizzed like Alka-Seltzer.

Oh well. The once-venerable institution exists for purposes other than dining. Despite new ownership and a new coat of paint, pretty much the same milieu exists. There are books and magazines up front, public computers and wi-fi, guys with near-mutton chop sideburns idling over a chess board, 30-something adolescents in do-rags and baggy jeans flirting haplessly with students ... the ambience found at Eskimo Joe's in Stillwater or anywhere on Sixth Street in Austin — which makes it a comfortable place to kill time.

Just remember: Order food (with the exception of salsa), and the joke is on you.

Dave Faries can be reached at dfaries@praguepost.com


Other articles in Night & Day (3/01/2007):

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